Well, I decided to write something of what I've been thinking in the past few days.
Friday I was 17 for the last time. I don't think I can explain all the change that took place during my 17th year. I am amazed at all that God has done in and around me.
The biggest change was moving churches. After 12 years at 2nd Baptist I moved to a church where my dad gecame the music minister. It was a change I can never forget. Not just physically but spiritually. I needed that change. It led me to come out of my comfort zone and grow closer to God. I, for the first time in my life, read my bible everyday and have continued to do so. Before, I would start and then discontinue, bored or discouraged. Now I love to read and when I am discouraged it is comforting to me. In my new church every thing was different and still is. I have made amazing new friends that I can see God in. He is flowing out of them and they are excited about Him. It encourages me that I am not alone when I say how excited I am about God. Other people are and are ready to share it. With these two friends I have been planning a back to school youth outreach(conference) since June. We are in the last steps of it now. God has shown me so much through that. I had been thinking it would be awesome to plan a youth conference and had sort of pondered it for 5months knowing I couldn't do it. I mentioned it to my friend and boom we were off! God knew I needed someone with initiative and he sent two. Together we prayed and planned and worried and got excited. And God made things happen. I will tell more about the youth conference soon.
Descions are a big thing as you get older. I have had a hard time opening up to the fact that my parents can't make all my descions for me anymore and I have to take more responsiblity. "Growing up" is alot different from what I expected as a child. I always thought I would get married right out of highschool like my mom did and all the girls in all the books I delved into. But now I know that rarely happens and I also don't know that I am read to be married. I don't feel like an adult, nor do I want to be an adult. Responsiblity of an adult is something no one should want earlier than it comes.
What am I going to do? I honestly don't know. There are so many things I want to do! I want to act in movies, to sing, to touch people's lives, to work with youth, specifically Jr High, to bring excitment, passion, and enthusiams into church, speak to youth, plan youth events, and teach piano, and maybe even go to college. I have so many interests and dreams. Last night I heard a young man speak. He asked God to take away his desires. That is what I want more than anything now. That is what I wanted before I heard him but I didn't know how to say it. He worded it perfectly. I want God to take away the desires of my heart and to put His desires into my heart. I can't do it. I've tried. I've gotten up in the morning and said ok, today I am going to be good to everyone and do everything mom asks perfectly and try and be perfect. It doesn't happen. My selfish desires get ahold of me and I make a descision that drags all my good wishes down. How do I change I would ask myself. I can't change. That I know. But God can change me. And this year I want to be closer to God all year long. I want to know Him better than I ever have. I want to have the faith of a child. To do that is God's will. I know. Choosing what carreer or what college or if I'm going to go to college or what job, those have nothing to choosing to follow God. If I give my life to God He will lead me to exactly where I need to be. I won't choose this everyday. I will fall. I realized that last night. I've always wanted to be a great christian. But I would continue to backslide. Not even the best christian won't backslide. Everyone does. I am human too. It is the way we are. But! But we can choose not to be that way. We can be different. If, If we rely on God. Please pray for me over this next year. I will be making big descions, big changes, meeting new people, and hopefully always be growing closer to God. I didn't want to turn eighteen. It just happened. Let me make that clearer. I've never wanted to stay a child. I still don't. I can't wait until God unites me with a man and we can have children and grown in God together. It is a step in our journey to God. But the matter of growing up and gaining responsiblity is not light and I am not anxious to have it too soon. Dad says I should get a job and make a goal. A trip with a friend or something. He says to enjoy being young and without adults responsibilties. Mom says I need to go to college. Make a descion and get it done. I don't know what I want. And I don't know what God wants. But I do know. ABSOLUTELY KNOW. He will tell me what it is when I need to know. Some of you make think I'm making being 18 a big deal. It is a big deal. I'm not some worry wart who is going to fret over it the entire time. But I do want to be prepared. By reading God's word, learning, and always having an open heart I will be prepared. God will prepare me for all the "older" things I will have to do.
I do believe 18 will be an adventure.


Sarah Jade